Argue With a Fool and You Prove There Are Two
Introduction
“The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress.” - Joseph Joubert
Argumentation and debate are at the centre of not only the political sphere but also human communication in general. With human relationships comes inevitable strain and tensions, and we are expected to use rationality to justify our conclusions and explain our thoughts, feelings and behaviour with rhyme and reason. Not all argumentation is productive, however, and sometimes arguing becomes a bloodsport of dirty wits and tricks or a complete waste of time. This text is not about the meaningful and life-changing conversations that you can have with somebody who disagrees with your point of view. This is about the opposite.
It’s about the meaningless drivel and outright intellectually degenerating conversations you might find yourself engaged in. What are you to do when you argue with bad actors and fools? That’s what we’re here to find out, as pointless and damaging as it may seem, arguing with these people is like holding up a mirror of all our own bad qualities. If we take the time to analyse and sympathise, there’s a lot we can learn, not only about the people we talk to but also ourselves. To make the most out of an argument leading nowhere, there are three steps we can take; we will go in-depth on each in this text. To build REP with your opponent, you have to:
- Recognise
- Empathise
- Pronounce
The first step is to recognise that the argument is going nowhere, and there are a few things to keep on the lookout for. This isn’t only about the person you’re arguing with, but also with yourself. Take a second to stop and think about what you’re doing and saying. Arguing on the internet might be the path to enlightenment, but compassion is the highway.
1. Recognise
The first step in turning a meaningless and hostile argument into something valuable to all parties involved is recognising the direction the conversation is taking. Raised voices and rude rhetoric are but a few of the telltale signs. Other things to watch out for are bad faith arguments and overly playing devil’s advocate.
If somebody is arguing for the sake of arguing, you know they’re not interested in widening their understanding or engaging genuinely in the discussion. A bad faith argument is when the person making claims does not believe in them and does so to obscure their true intentions. In the online sphere, this often takes the form of trolling. It often involves misrepresentation and logical fallacies. However, not all who play devil’s advocate are bad faith actors, but a lot of them are. Either they find it entertaining, egging people on, and they just want to get an emotional reaction out of somebody, or they just want to show their argumentative skills.
This is a reason to disagree, because agreeing is compliant nodding along, while disagreeing allows one to display the fullest of one’s intellectual and critical thinking capabilities. But there is a vulnerability that comes with being genuine, and disagreeing isn’t always easy. Then the jester’s privilege is a safe cover-up.
Humour is a great defensive mechanism, and it’s also very disarming in conflicts. However, used too often, especially when one party is sincere in discussing something important to them, it can often derail a conversation and leave one side with a sour taste if the other party continually jokes and fools around. To some jesters, they win by having somebody who takes something seriously go down to their level. It can be difficult discerning if someone is serious or not, and to some extent, you have to have faith in the person you’re arguing with that they are being genuine. If you know the person well, this will be easier, and when arguing with strangers, I’d always say, assume the worst.
If you notice you’re taking the subject at hand more seriously than the other party, recognise the argument for what it is: pointless. Trying too hard to win them over or to have them start taking it seriously can be difficult. If they’re not listening to you, and they’re only concerned with seeming smarter than they are, stop talking and listen. When fools speak, the best thing you can do is shut up. Don’t waste your energy, and usually, they dig themselves into deeper holes if they go unquestioned.
But that’s not what we are here for today. To turn these foolish debates into something more meaningful for everyone, we have to do so through sympathy and compassion. After you’ve recognised you’re in a meaningless discussion, it’s time to listen to your opponent. This allows you to find the best way to approach them, and people who are listened to are more likely to listen as well.
2. Empathise
Radical listening is a powerful technique, not only when arguing with fools but in life in general. It’s a simple principle, really: listen. Doesn’t matter what kind of crazy nonsense somebody is saying, don’t interrupt, let them finish and just take in what they’re saying. You don’t have to agree, but make an attempt to understand them. Ask questions and engage in good faith with them. Don’t try to make a point to make them look stupid or ridicule them, just try to analyse what they’re saying and try to empathise with them.
If they’re arguing on the offensive, this will have them lower their guard, and this might be your only way to get a word into their skull. It’s pointless trying to shout louder than the other one, and it’s equally pointless to list a long list of sources that state the opposite of what they’re saying; they don’t care, they’ve brought their own list of confirmation bias as well. So, before going on the offensive, try to make a point to understand them.
This will allow you to not only explore their relationship to the subject, their understanding, their personality, etc, but also yourself. If you understand that this person might as well have been you, given different circumstances, you can truly begin to empathise and understand where they’re coming from. While analysing and listening, you can also reflect on yourself - what makes you feel this way when they disagree, and what is triggering here? What about these words and ideas are hurting you? To be clear: don’t do this too much when you’re trying to listen.
Listening means listening. Not thinking about what you’re going to counter with next, or the next statistic you’re going to bring up to disprove their theories. It also doesn’t mean getting lost in your own head trying to understand the other person, understand what they’re saying, and follow up with genuine questions. Why do you believe that? What led you to this information? That’s fascinating - can you tell me more? If you want to get through to a fool, the only way to get there is through respect and compassion. Would you listen to them if they were disrespectful? Would you believe them if they did everything in their power to disprove your personal beliefs? Of course not. But you might be inclined to listen if they listen to you, and after having done so, they respectfully pronounce their personal beliefs.
3. Pronounce
Communication is a two-way street, and it’s about giving and taking. Give the other party the space to air their grievances and to fully articulate their thoughts. After you’ve recognised what kind of argument you’re having, and you’ve empathised through listening, then it’s finally time for the third and final step. Pronouncing. As stated, listening doesn’t mean you have to agree, and if you disagree them now’s the time to express it. Do it respectfully and consciously. Argue in good faith and be clear.
This is better than a shouting match, and if the conversation was heated, hopefully by now you will have calmed it down, and you can articulate your thoughts and provide counterpoints. It might not change their mind, and that’s important to remember. But you can plant a seed, and sometimes that’s all that’s needed. It’s perfectly fine to disagree on things, and it can be done with respect and compassion. Disagreeing doesn’t have to be the end of a friendship or relationship, but it sometimes can be, depending on the gravity of the topic.
It can be difficult to discuss with somebody who is spewing hateful rhetoric and expressing dangerous ideas. These people can never be convinced by words or logic, as much as they think they operate on that level, they are almost entirely emotional minds. This is important to remember when you express your opinions and what approach to take. You don’t have to pronounce facts and logic - you can also just express love and kindness. Highlight the positives, and express your own passion for the thing they hate. It won’t convince them in that movement, but maybe next time they see pineapple on pizza, they will remember what you said about the combination of sweet and savoury.
The truth is, sometimes you won’t even get to this point; some people will not give you space to pronounce, and they will try to suffocate you entirely by bombarding you with monologue after monologue. The best you can do then is not to pronounce whatever topic is about, but they’re style of communicating, and remember to be respectful about it, this is very personal and people can be seriously hurt by it. Be truthful and tell them how you feel: “I don’t like it when you don’t listen to me”. Even a fool understands emotions, and they might not take it in immediately, but eventually that seed you’ve planted in their head will grow.
When you pronounce, be respectful, don’t do personal attacks, and be kind. Be truthful, speak your mind and do so unapologetically. Be courageous and express your truth. This isn’t a guarantee for success; some people will resist even these three steps, but this might be your best chance to get something meaningful out of arguing with a fool.
Final Words
Pointless arguments don’t have to be entirely fruitless; you can build REP with the other party with three simple steps:
- Recognise what kind of conversation it is you’re having.
- Empathise with the other party - try to understand them.
- Pronounce your truth and tell them your side respectfully.
Following these three steps guarantees that you will at least get something out of it. The other party might not agree with you in the end, but you will at least have made an honest attempt and done so respectfully. It won’t leave everyone feeling drained and depressed, and indeed, you might learn a thing or two about the other person, or maybe even yourself.
They might not agree with you immediately, but you might plant a seed, and this might be your best chance of having a heart-to-heart conversation with a jester. They might even take off their hat and remove their makeup for a little bit. However, it’s also important to remember that it’s not always this easy.
You undoubtedly will meet fools that are like impenetrable fog, and there’s no way of reaching them. Narcissistic psychopaths whose only desire for other people is to gaslight, use, abuse and manipulate people. Entities so filled with hate and destruction that it seems the only good way to face them is to walk away. You don’t have to endure hate and verbal abuse, don’t empathise with that nonsense, recognise it for what it is and pronounce your departure from the conversation. Some people aren’t worth the trouble; this is especially true for strangers. Most fools, however, are just lonely or want someone to talk to - this is also a function for argumentation and debates.
Remember that it’s not a competition, just take it for what it is: a human conversation. Communicating is central to the human experience, it’s incredibly valuable, and it can bring a lot of good. But only if done properly, and remember that if you argue with a fool, you prove there are two.
